Part 1: My Never Ending Prenup Photoshoot: US Version

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know this post is waaaay overdue but I just can't stop myself from featuring it so let's just consider this post like a throwback post (it's not even that long yet since we had these pic taken)! hehehe This is actually what happened. After going through my clutter in my bedroom I saw these piles of pictures in my closet. The sweet memories of my prenup pictorial all tucked away inside the box. I looked at the pictures and all I can say is, "wow!". I have absolutely evolved...weightwise! lol

One by one I flip through one picture to another and I couldn't help but smile on these precious memories we recreated for it to be captured on photos. Funny how these pictures create so much emotion between just me and my husband. I still remember the photoshoots we did and how me and surprisingly, Aaron, enjoyed it.

I scaled through the pile of photographs with the two of us smiling together, holding hands, kissing each other, looking at the same direction, walking along a trail, laughing and having a good time. Oh such a sweet phase in our life. :) 

Looking back, it was one of the best moment in our life together. Back then, everything seems so simple. We watch tv all night long, eat whenever we like, watch movies late at night in the cinema, shop til we drop, workout like there's no tomorrow, sleep as long as we like! Oh how truly simple life has been before. 

Now, I have a baby and a husband who supports me, I think I cannot ask for anything more (I can shed some extra weight though, lol). I still miss the times when we do not have to worry about feeding the baby and not getting enough sleep but I won't trade motherhood for anything else in the world. 

With that being said, I have to go back to the main reason why I posted this article. I want to post this because I feel like it deserves to have a debut on my blog. Sure, I was able to post it before in my social media accounts (FB and IG) but I never really got the chance to post the entire session of our photoshoots ever. 

So here it is! 

To begin with, let me tell you about a brief overview about the said pictorial that we did last year. There were 2 photoshoots that happened before our wedding. The first one was done in the US which was used for our wedding invitation and the second one was done in Cebu. 

The location for our very first photoshoot with my husband happened in Lorton, Va in a place called Mason Neck State Park. The original schedule was Friday but the makeup artist that I hired to do the job came in very late that in the end I have to do my own hair and makeup. Then we got caught on a huge traffic on the road and I felt like that day is not going well on our favor so I decided to move the schedule the next day. Fortunately, my photographer who was already on location at that time (indeed very professional!) agreed to reschedule. 

During our photoshoot, I was kind of anxious since I have never done photoshoots with my husband ever! I mean, if it was just me, I could probably nail it, ( ahem,lol) but my husband hates having photos taken and that really stresses me out. Good thing though our photographer makes us feel so at ease and was very encouraging that my husband and I warmed up with her immediately. The hourlong schedule turned into 3 to 4 hours but it's just because we had a lot of walking to do in the park!

The weather was great, the place was just perfect! :) There was a dock, a shoreline, beautiful trees and plenty of grass to walk on. I was glad we did this pictorial before our big day. It made me and Aaron more comfortable in front of the lens and Michelle Chu truly did a wonderful job in capturing our beautiful pictures! :)

On Wedding Shoes... To Splurge or to Purge?

You might be reading this post because you are a bride and in a dilemma if you will buy the shoes of your dreams that will cost you more than an arm and a leg or go economical by sticking to a generic brand. Or maybe you are just a regular reader curious about how much stress you have to go through when becoming a bride.

Whichever you are, this post will give you an insight about my own experience about choosing my wedding shoes. Being a bride in itself is stressful enough already and choosing every piece of your bridal wardrobe can sometimes become a tad bit overwhelming for a soon-to-be Mrs. So and so. 

When I had my wedding last year it took me a long time to decide which shoes I would wear  on my wedding day. I was caught inbetween getting the shoes of my dreams that will blow our budget out of proportion or keep it simple for us not to be robbing a bank! lol 

I was actally deciding between buying a Christian Louboutin vs a Badgley Mischka which was like comparing apples to oranges. Tsk tsk. There was absolutely no comparison to those two brands and of course the Louboutin hands down was my favorite. But buying it was just not practical... period. However, if you have an overflow of budget then why not? Unfortunately, I did not really have an unlimited budget, but the idea of wearing a red sole on my wedding day was just too much to pass. Anyway, where else can you get to have an excuse to wear an expensive pair of shoes but on a special day like your wedding where you feel the most beautiful! Right?!

To cut my story short I ended up with the red sole. Why? Because I simply cannot stop obsessing over it all through the night and day! lol. But did I regret it? Or was it really worth it? Honestly, I feel both. 

This is the actual Christian Louboutin shoes I wore during my wedding.

I regret buying the red sole simply because I felt guilty buying a very expensive piece on top of our overwhelming wedding expenses. At the same time, I feel like it was worth it because I know that never in my entire life will I ever buy that kind of shoes again (esp later when babies come and mortgage payment will become a part of our daily living) and it only reminds me that the event was special enough to wear a pair of shoes that can literally make you rob a bank.

The sad part was that I was not able to use that red sole at church because I just could not trust myself not to trip over my wedding dress. I just felt that those skyhigh heels just cannot support my wobbly legs during my bridal march so I decided to wear another pair, anyway, it won't be seen underneath my voluminous wedding skirt. Despite breaking in those shoes a couple of times, making sure I can rock those heels under my dress, in the end I got so anxious that I lost the confidence to wear it.  Why haven't I thought about it before deciding on my wedding shoes in the first place? Bummer! Oh well, at least I have the photos to prove that I wore it on my wedding day and I guess that should be enough (or is it, really?! lol).

             Shot with the red sole!

If I were to redo my wedding, I think I will go with the Badgley Mischka and save myself some money on other things for the wedding. But it all depends on the bride. If you feel that your dress will never be complete without that much coveted rob-the-bank kind of shoes and you have the budget for it, then I say go ahead girl and go splurge yourself with that dream pair of shoes. But if your budget is really tight, nothing could really go wrong if you get a pair that is just right on your budget. Anyway, that shoes will only be worn inside that wedding dress and nobody really can see it unless you pick up your skirt!

Whatever shoes you wear on your wedding always go back to why you have this celebration in the first place. It doesn't matter what shoes you wear, what dress you pick or what type of food you eat. What matters most will be the memory that you get to celebrate this wedding with the people you love and start your life with the man of your dreams. And if until this point you still  can't decide which shoes to wear, I say choose the shoes that would make you feel very comfortable and confident. Choose something that you can actually walk on, run with and dance the night away with a very reasonable pricetag! 

On Mourning and Getting Back on My Feet

The air was a combination of warm and a hint of cool breeze touched my oiled skin. I reached over my luggage and walked inside the airport with my whole family in tow. I could see people slumped back on the waiting area, security guards standing by the door and the smell of cheesy french fries floating in the air. That was how I last remembered before I left Cebu after my dear mother's funeral. 

Hugging my sister during my mom's funeral.

My stay in Cebu at that time was far from great. Since I came home I stayed in the hospital taking care of my cancer stricken mother for 2 weeks until her demise on February 18,2012. She had Kidney Cancer Stage 4 metastasized to the lungs, both kidneys and godknows where else. Her CT scan showed very little to no hope. Her blood pressure was a joke, they were pumping her with pressors like there was no tomorrow. Her urine output of course with her extremely low BP was non existent despite the bucketload of diuretics they've been giving her, not even a drop can be seen in her foley. Her breathing was getting more irregular and becomes lesser and lesser. Then her heart rate started dipping. I could see her slipping away from us but I was holding on to a very small piece of string. I knew what was coming and no matter what I do, I knew Her situation was beyond anybody's control anymore. It finally dawned on me that this is really happening. I reached the point where I closed my eyes and wish that I would just slip away with her. It was the most depressing time of my life that even breathing makes it feel like a chore. My mom suffered a lot, seeing her in pain was my living nightmare. Despite working as a nurse, attending to sick people everyday, nothing could ever prepare me from feeling worst than I could possibly feel especially when the most important person in my life took her very last breath right before my very eyes. That scene haunted me for months. I wake up from my sleep crying for having repeated nightmares of that very scene.

Everyday I tried to recall good memories of my mom to ease the pain but that night when her heartbeat went away, so did my heart.

I hear the last call for passengers on a certain flight about to depart, it was't mine, but the sound brought me back to where I was in that time, at the airport about to wave goodbye to my family.

Holding pictures of my mom with my sister right beside me.

I looked around and saw the events unfold right before me in that very minute. I saw families hugging each other, a mother with I think her son holding hands and with glint of tears shining in her eyes. I could feel the mother's sadness as she kissed her son on the forehead and let her hand go. She waved goodbye but never took her eyes away from her son until she can't see him no more. That must be hard. I've been in that place before and seeing that scene draws me back to the time when my mom sends me off the airport. She would cry and cry until I leave. I wish I was just saying goodbye to her like this. Saying goodbye temporarily like this... like I would still see her again when I come back. But it wasn't the case anymore. I would never see her face beaming when she would pick me up at the airport when I arrive and I would never get to see her sad cry when I leave to go back to the US. I quickly blinked my tears away and shook those thoughts out of my head and tried to look around for distraction. I can't get too emotional again and end up with a total meltdown there at the airport. 

A video presentation about my mother made me very emotional.

Then I noticed in one corner of the room, a group of young people talking loudly, happily chatting to each other, giddy and excited like maybe they are going to go for an adventure to another place. I wish I was in their place. I wish I was going somewhere to take a vacation. I wish I was leaving to a place where I can relax and relieve the stress. But I wasn't...

I found myself sitting in the airplane chair with the flight attendant I guess barking last minute flight safety instructions to the passengers. I could hear the engines roaring, people chattering, people out the window preparing for our departure but there I was hearing nothing but buzzing sounds, seeing nothing but a blank canvass. With a heavy heart, I flew back to the US.

              Taken during the mass.

My then Fiance-then-now-my-husband, picked me up from the airport. He greeted me with a very tight hug with no words but eyes that speak so much. I was relieved not to hear anything from his mouth but that tight hug was all I needed to make me feel a little better. We drove home in silence. There was no need for words, just him beside me was all I need that very moment. I guess he understood.

I decided to work as soon as possible after my arrival in the US. Staying home makes me feel worse. The sound of the clock in my room and the birds chirping outside my window were driving me nuts. I thought that going back to work would make me busy and maybe I could forget my sadness even just a little bit.

             One last glimpse of her...

I drove to work with much anticipation, I never really missed working but I needed an outlet somewhere to release my stress. Work though is another stress but at least it would not keep my brain idle. Right off the bat, the moment when I stepped inside my unit my coworkers greeted and gave their condolences. I know it's just appropriate but that actually made me come back to reality again. I was holding back my tears all throughout my shift. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to come back to work sooner I believe. I managed to finish my shift without a meltdown but with a heavier than usual heart. I felt like my world is crashing down on me. It didn't help that the patient I'm caring for had stage 4 cancer and in so much pain that she needs to be on a maxed dose of morphine plus PCA.

Saying our last goodbye before we send her for cremation.

I came home crying and that sequence continued for weeks. I was about to consider seeing a psych counselor for my own good until one night I had a total meltdown at home. My fiance-then-now-my-hubby hugged me real tight and told me that it's going to be alright. He let me cry my heart out and hugged me tighter than ever. I spent my whole energy just crying for hours and hours and finally when I settled down he said that I needed to forgive myself for my mom's death. I actually felt at fault for not seeing her symptoms sooner, or maybe not taking care of her better.. I blamed myself for her death that I cannot forgive my own person. My Husband told me to let it go, that she is in a better place now. I knew that she is in a better place now but what that night taught me was forgiveness. I have learned to forgive myself and let her go that night. That incident helped me so much that I felt much lighter since that very day.

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."

Since then I realized that we really do not own our life. It can be taken away from us anytime even without warning. I was lucky enough to have spent my mom's remaining days beside her. Taking care of her until her last breath was something that I would never trade in for the world.  For the few weeks that I have left when she was still alive, I was able to tell her how much I love her. Able to make her feel how much I cared and able to take care of her just like how she took care of me. I may not have enough time to make her feel how much I love her but I guess I have passed on that message across the board and hopefuly she brought it with her through her next life.

Days become more bearable but I still remember my mother everyday. This time I have learned to remember her as a good memory. Losing her truly made me feel that life indeed is very short. Fifty seven years of her life felt like It was just yesterday, too short. Very, very short.  I wish I could have said more I love you's, I wish I could have hugged her more often, I wish I could see her smile once again & most of all, I wish it was just all a dream. I wish I was just writing this whole article like this never really happened.. But it did.. So please, take time to say I love you to the people you love. Spend time with them as much as you can. Remember there is only one thing in this world that I am sure of, and that is, nobody ever gets out alive and there is no such thing as second chances. It's either you gotta do it now or else you will lose it all.  So enjoy life as much as you can and really live it like everyday is going to be your last.

My beautiful mother, Teresita. She is fondly called as Terry, hence, my daughter's name Avianna Terry named after her.

Funeral images copyright by Homer Medici Images.

Diagnosed with Gallstones at Second Trimester!

For the past few months since I knew I was pregnant I felt terrible attacks of pain just below my right rib. The pain felt like somebody is constantly stabbing me on my right abdomen just below my rib. The pain is so horrible that sometimes I felt like ripping my abdomen apart just to make sure there really isn't any knife lying there inside me. At first the pain was not really very pronounced. In the first few months, It felt like my whole belly is painful with no particular location where the pain actually is. I thought it was just gas pain so I eliminated all the gassy foods that I can think of. I told my OB about it and she assured me that abdominal pain is not really unusual during pregnancy but she said if it gets really worse I will let her know. A week after that, I emailed my OB and told her about my pain this time becoming worse than ever. I was miserable!  :( I have talked to different women who got pregnant before and they told me they never felt anything like the kind of pain that I am having. Their usual pain is back pain, general malaise, leg pain from the added weight in pregnancy but never a constant stabbing pain below the right rib.  :(

At this point, I was determined that this is not normal anymore and insisted to my OB to get tested. I told her this time the pain is more obvious on the right side and the attacks happen usually after I eat and the pain would last the whole time after I eat. I noticed having more pain when I eat meat but basically almost every type of food I eat regardless if it's meat or not, I still have this pain. I rate my pain as 9/10 sometimes 10/10. Lying down helps relieve the pain but not much really. I end up crying over the pain most of the time and my husband becoming so concerned. It doesn't help that my job entails me to be up on my feet most of the time which just aggravates the pain even more. The pain sometimes would make it so hard to walk that I go limping at work especially when my unit gets so busy.

My OB ordered stat Ultrasound on my abdomen and on the same day that I got the test they gave me the results that I do have multiple gallstones. :( I am relieved that I finally knew what was wrong with me but at the same time sad that I have to go through this until i reach my term. :( They don't recommend any surgeries at this point so as not to put me on preterm labor. :( The only thing i can do is to modify my diet.

Gallstones are common during pregnancy. The hormones in pregnancy can cause the bile to sludge thereby causing it to form stones.

Gallstones actually ranked 6th of the Most Painful Medical Conditions in the Planet and Childbirth being the 7th according to an article in Discovery News. Wow! I can't believe that I have to go through this pain the whole pregnancy and expect another kind of pain when i give birth!

Everytime I have people come up to me asking me about my pregnancy and telling me to enjoy it, I really cannot comprehend the word enjoying pregnancy at this point. :( How can I enjoy it when all I feel is debilitating pain in my belly. :( The baby inside me is fine though with that I am very relieved and she would not be affected with this condition. It is just going to be me enduring the pain until I deliver. huhuhuhu God bless me! 

Apple juice cleansing helps relieved the pain but drinking a liter per day is not really very healthy. I gained so much by doing that but at least the pain went away. The sugar actually is too much that it makes you gain more weight than usual. I was scared to do the purge at the end of the cleansing by using epsom salts because some people said it may block the bile duct completely which I may end up having an emergency surgery. :( Then I discovered Apple cider vinegar. I just have to get used to the taste but that vinegar really helps a whole lot! The pain is much more bearable now and because I have less pain already, I enrolled myself to Prenatal Yoga classes. :) 

My Baby Blueberry is a Cute Little Strawberry!

November 26, 2013 - Houston,Tx

Me and my husband went for a regular routine check up at the clinic which requires me to do a chest xray. I was the first one on the line for the xray and a nurse has taken my vital signs already when she started asking me about my last menstrual period. lol. Honestly, I haven't even thought about it at all being so busy with our recent move here in Houston at that time just after a very long vacation for my wedding and honeymoon plus the stress about going thru the whole unpacking and rearranging stuff in our new apartment is really taking a toll on our seemingly smooth life. Then again, the nurse asked me the same question and I thought about it and realized that it's been a month already since I had my period! Pregnant women cannot be xrayed unless totally necessary that is why they want to make sure I am not. So the nurse escorted me to the lab instead of the xray room. She gave me a cup to pee and told me to wait a few minutes. She told me to wait outside the door for her. A few minutes later she came back and told me to go back to the clinic and wait for the doctor to talk to me. At that time I knew it was already a positive pregnancy test. If it was negative I'm pretty sure we will go straight to do my xray but that didn't happen. I walked back to the clinic thinking how stupid can I be not to even notice that I am late already. hahaha. My husband on the other hand was clueless sitting there at the waiting room.

The doctor called me inside her clinic and sure enough she congratulated me for being pregnant and will soon be a mom! Wait....What?! I was not actually ready to embrace the whole idea that there is actually a living person growing inside my belly already. I don't know how to react. It's not that I am not prepared. We actually planned it already but I didn't expect we will have this blessing so soon. :p

I left the clinic feeling like I just took 3 shots of Tequila. lol. My head was spinning and I could not put my feelings together.  For the first time in my life I felt so unsure, scared and I don't know what else to think about. I walked down the hall and found myself inside the restroom facing the mirror with my face looking so flushed. The girl looking exactly like my split image stared back at me and wondered if the news that I just received was real or was I just dreaming? lol. I splashed water into my face and cleaned up before I left the restroom.

I walked down the hall towards the waiting room where my husband was with short steady strides and my heart pumping like crazy. Aaron greeted me with a smile and asked if I am all done. I told him yes and left. When we were in the car I told him I have something very important to tell him. He looked so serious all of a sudden and I told him that he is going to be a father soon. I saw a hint of smile in his eyes but faded away fast when he thought that I was just kidding. I told him it's for real and our life will soon change forever with this coming baby. This time I saw him smile so broadley as if he owned the world. That smile took all of my fears away and this time I became totally excited just like him. :) We went to Jollibee for lunch to celebrate this new milestone in our life!

      Ultrasound at 7 weeks and 2 days

3 weeks after the news, we scheduled an appointment with my OB. An ultrasound was done and sure enough we saw our little blueberry on the screen with its heart beating so fast. It's heartbeat sounded like the most beautiful music we've ever heard. I felt a rush of emotions just seeing that tiny dot on the screen. My husband was smiling all throughout the test even if what we saw onscreen only looked like a tiny blueberry on a black and white screen. 

Fast forward 7 weeks after our first appointment we had our nuchal translucency test done (a test done to check for signs of Down's Syndrome)  then at 20 wks an Anatomical ultrasound where we can see the gender of the baby. My husband said that he is pretty sure that we will be having a baby girl even if he really loves to have a first born son. I on the other hand would want to have a girl but I really have no idea what it would be. The gender wait is finally over and we found out just less than 15 seconds of my anatomical scan, the tech asked us if we are ready to know the gender. Sure enough, our baby is going to be a Girl! :)

Our little Blueberry is actually a Cute little Strawberry! I was elated! hahaha

          Ultrasound at 12weeks 2days

My grumpy little baby is camera shy at 24 weeks and the tech unable to get a good facial profile because she just refused to have one done. This pic with her back towards us refusing to face front! lol

Blurry profile with our baby being so uncooperative during my repeat U/S for Anatomical screen.

Still a Girl! lol recheck of her gender at 24 wks! my husband was cracking up. I told him better luck next time!

Skeleton looking profile. Still unable to get a good shot of her facial profile because she keeps on covering her face with her hand. I guess this baby really hates the camera so badly. hahaha

It was a whole new experience for me being pregnant. For the first time in my life I felt overly protective to a person whom I haven't even met yet. This past few months I have learned to love and cherish the growing life inside me and will be looking forward to hold her very soon.

My next ultrasound will be for my BPP (Biophysical Profile) at 32 wks! I hope this time she will be more cooperative and will let us see a glimpse of her face. Oh I just can't wait! :)

Fresh Produce!

It's been almost a month since I started this craziness about juicing. The thing that inspired me to do this was because of the documentary entitled "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". The documentary was all about a man who realized that after gaining so much weight all his life and being sick at the same time made him change his ways and found the road to wellness by juicing. It is quiet crazy what he does there on the documentary and I felt like doing that really takes tremendous amount of effort and determination. I don't think I can do without taking any solid foods for 3 days let alone 6 months!!!! These guys deserved an applause. :) I myself have been put in a situation where I felt so down because after being lazy for almost a year and pigging out in every meal makes me realize that it has truly taken a toll on my weight. I have ballooned into my heaviest at 136 lbs and sometimes even up to 140's on October to November last year. The sad part for me was that I couldn't get to fit myself into my regular clothes and I simply refuse to buy new clothes with a size that says Large at the back of my shirt! I used to be XS and even XXS in some brands before that. My pride just could not accept the fact that my body has completely changed. :( A lot of people during that time have asked me if I am pregnant which is just too annoying . It would have been better to say that I am to free me from explaining why I gained soooo much weight but when you said that you're not, that usually opens up to a hundred and more questions with some raised eyebrows inbetween. Eversince then I started to go back to my beloved Bikram yoga class and started to feel the support of my good 'ol instructor, Jim. He welcomed me back with open arms even when he said that I am completely out of shape! lol Bikram yoga and watching the food that I take in made me lose weight. In January to Feb this year, I have lost about 10lbs of my weight already and now almost 14lbs off since october! I just started to incorporate juicing into my diet mid Feb since I feel like it will be much healthier to get me more veggies in my system and I couldn't think of any better idea to make veggies more palatable to me than juicing. And indeed it was a wonderful experience to do the juicing coupled with good exercise and sheer amount of determination to live a healthy lifestyle. Please join me as I continue living a healthier, brighter and happier life! :)